The Alternative Number Ones: Alanis Morissette’s “Hand In My Pocket”

In The Alternative Number Ones, I’m reviewing every #1 single in the history of the Billboard Modern Rock Tracks/Alternative Songs, starting with the moment that the chart launched in 1988. This column is a companion piece to The Number Ones, and it’s for members only. Thank you to everyone who’s helping to keep Stereogum afloat.

In the movie Lady Bird, there's a scene where the title character gets a ride to school from her dad, and they listen to Alanis Morissette's "Hand In My Pocket." Saoirse Ronan, playing Lady Bird, asks her dad, "Did you know that Alanis Morissette wrote this song in only 10 minutes?" Tracy Letts, as her dad, deadpans back, "I believe it." That's good shit. That's a set and a spike. Dads everywhere prowl the earth, just waiting for our kids to say something enthusiastic about some annoying shit that they like -- something that we can volley back in the pithiest, most undemonstrative manner. We live for that shit.

I get why Lady Bird's dad was not impressed by the level of work that went into "Hand In My Pocket." The song isn't about anything. It's just Alanis Morissette singing that she's something but something else, she's one thing but one other thing, she's an adjective but an unrelated adjective, bayyyy-beh. She's got one hand in her pocket, and the other hand is doing some fucking thing, who knows. You can make up your own version. The sets of adjectives don't even have to contradict each other. I'm tall, but I'm sleepy. I'm hungry, but I'm getting old. I'm bored, but I have to pee, yeah-eah. I've got one hand in my pocket, and the other one's writing an Alternative Number Ones column.