Highlights from Friday's Crossfire (thanks Kevan for the heads up):
TUCKER CARLSON: You have a chance to interview the Democratic nominee. You asked him questions such as "How are you holding up? Is it hard not to take the attacks personally?" ... Why not ask him a real question, instead of just suck up to him?
JON STEWART: Yes. "How are you holding up?" is a real suck-up. And I?m actually giving him a hot stone massage as we were doing it. You know, it's interesting to hear you talk about my responsibility ... that the news organizations look to Comedy Central for their cues on integrity. If your idea of confronting me is that I don't ask hard-hitting enough news questions, we're in bad shape, fellows.
PAUL BEGALA: Let me get this straight. If the indictment is -- if the indictment is -- and I have seen you say this -- that Crossfire reduces everything, as I said in the intro, to left, right, black, white.
STEWART: Yes.
BEGALA: Well, it's because, see, we're a debate show.
STEWART: No, no, no, no, that would be great. I would love to see a debate show.
CARLSON: Jon, Jon, Jon, I'm sorry. I think you're a good comedian. I think your lectures are boring.
STEWART: Now, this is theater. It's obvious. How old are you?
CARLSON: Thirty-five.
STEWART: And you wear a bow tie.
CARLSON: Yes, I do. I do.
STEWART: So this is theater.
CARLSON: Now, let me just...
STEWART: Now, listen, I'm not suggesting that you're not a smart guy, because those are not easy to tie. ... But the thing is that this -- you're doing theater, when you should be doing debate, which would be great.
BEGALA: We do, do...
STEWART: It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery. And I will tell you why I know it.
CARLSON: You had John Kerry on your show and you sniff his throne and you're accusing us of partisan hackery?
STEWART: Absolutely.
CARLSON: You've got to be kidding me. He comes on and you...
STEWART: You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. ... What is wrong with you?
CARLSON: Well, I'm just saying, there's no reason for you -- when you have this marvelous opportunity not to be the guy's butt boy, to go ahead and be his butt boy. Come on. It's embarrassing.
STEWART: You have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.
CARLSON: You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think.
STEWART: You need to go to one. The thing that I want to say is, when you have people on for just knee-jerk, reactionary talk...
CARLSON: Wait. I thought you were going to be funny. Come on. Be funny.
STEWART: No. No. I'm not going to be your monkey ... I watch your show every day. And it kills me.
CARLSON: I can tell you love it.
STEWART: It's so painful to watch.
CARLSON: Is this really Jon Stewart? What is this, anyway?
STEWART: Yes, it's someone who watches your show and cannot take it anymore. I just can't.
CARLSON: I do think you're more fun on your show. Just my opinion.
STEWART: You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.
Those are excerpts from the show. For a fair and balanced look at the entire debacle, check out the MP3.
