Jason Isbell’s life story is a happy one, but his music can be crushingly sad. In a new skit for The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Isbell plays around with that reputation. It’s an infomercial for “The Saddest Song Ever” — a steady string of tears-in-your-beer country clichés — and it includes lines like the following:

But that’s not all! My new 180-minute, four-chord song also covers new cartoonishly tragic down-home scenarios that my fellow singer-songwriters are much too cowardly to tackle.

Covering everything from “ailing family dogs” to “dying family dogs” to “Frankenstein attacks a preschool,” it’s truly as depressing as music gets. And as Isbell points out, it’s “available on triple-cassette and Tidal, the two saddest music formats known to mankind.” Watch below via Colbert’s Twitter account.

Hey Paxil, @JasonIsbell may have the perfect song for the “before” part of your commercials. #LSSChttps://t.co/HCrYfIPWTN

— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) March 8, 2016